In further pursuing my theology and canon law studies, I am often reminded that I am a woman. Done directly or indirectly, I often find myself saying, “Oh, right! Because I am a woman!”. I can speak endlessly about my experience as a woman in the Church, but this is not my intention today. What I can immediately say is that Mary is a woman too. Let me get into my theological reflection.
Mothers can relate to Mary
We are in Easter time and will soon celebrate Our Lady of Sorrows. On the day, we remind ourselves of the seven sorrows of Mary. As a mother, I can imagine she had more than seven sorrows. But those seven are enough to relate to Mary, consolidate ourselves and offer our sorrows to her in prayer. My journey as a mother began smoothly. I had the perfect pregnancy. Only that it had to last 27 weeks. After that, motherhood meant living day by day, hoping my son would survive. An Irish priest friend reminded me that women could bless things and people too. So, I used to bless the incubator every time I had to leave my son behind. Admittedly, that is when my devotion to Mary grew stronger because Mary is a mother too.
Faith kept me going, and I am still here because of faith; so are my husband and our miracle baby. What I have learnt from this traumatic experience is that, in fact, the trauma never leaves you. You learn to live with it. Every time I have to leave him behind me, I get the same feeling as when I had to leave him behind me at the NICU. When he gets sick, I remember the monitors and the alarms. Eventually, I learnt that when a person comments on me being ‘exaggerating’ or ‘too much’, I have to pretend that I did not hear anything because, guess what? No one can understand you better than someone that went through your exact experience. For this reason, it can get lonely at times.
You are never alone
Here is when I turn to Mary. I am often told that ‘it could have been worse. You could have lost your child’. It is difficult to explain what it means to have your child be born extremely premature. While holding on to your child and doing whatever is necessary to keep your child alive, your mind is always preparing itself for the worst, ‘just in case…’ Whatever happens, I will always be his mother, and he will always be my son, I used to tell myself. Above all, I never felt alone because Mary knows. I always said in my subconscious, Mary knows.
Here, I take the opportunity to tell all the fully-fledged mothers that you are never alone. Yes, seek the help of professionals if need be, protect your child, love them hard, and hug them harder. Make sure they know how precious they are and how unique they are. Carry on their legacy and be proud to be their mother. If you ever feel downhearted, always remember:
Mary is a woman too.
Mary is a mother too.
Mary knows.
I am not alone.
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